I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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