I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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