Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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