he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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