I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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