If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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