We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize