I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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