y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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