it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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