I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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