My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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