but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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