I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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