you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just cropdusted the office
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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