and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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