Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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