I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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