Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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