was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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