This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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