This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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