best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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