just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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