I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
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So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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