If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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