Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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