end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize