Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
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wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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