is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
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I can't put those talents on a resume
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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