We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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