If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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