I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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