I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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