she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
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It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
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I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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