Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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