I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
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Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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