she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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