I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
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Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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