The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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