Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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