Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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