The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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