Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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