Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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