That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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