you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize