My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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