Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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