Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize